I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
