He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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