Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
