i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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