Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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