Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
