dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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