NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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