Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
