I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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