peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
