I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize