I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
