I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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