it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
