Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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