Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
