I just pynch a tree in the face
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
