u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
