you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
two words...techno handjob
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
where are you?
Hypothermia
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
