She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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