I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
