dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Someone shit on the floor
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize