He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
