I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize