I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
