Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
