You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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