Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
