this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
