The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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