Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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