he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
