Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
