I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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