um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
