I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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