Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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