I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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