Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
