my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
