I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
you never un-have a 4some
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
