if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
that is very illegal...i love you.
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