I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My ATM looks so different sober.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
