I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
