my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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