I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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