The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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