I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
