you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
