It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
