Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
