Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
jump out the window naked night went bad
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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