dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
