So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
