her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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