I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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