ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
dude. I can hear the air.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
