i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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