I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
