Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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