this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
