DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
