Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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