We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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