Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
