yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
