Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
