Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
