Four minutes until I can fart!
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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