Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
