I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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