a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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