he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
