Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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