Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
