Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i came on her dog
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Randomize