I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
