Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
