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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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