i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
