please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
