Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just want nice things and good sex
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
