ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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