we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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