Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
