how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize