sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
