If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Terrible idea I love it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
