If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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