umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
