I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
