Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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