if i can run in heels then i can drive
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
