I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
