As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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