3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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