Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Everyone says I win the strip club
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
