I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Randomize
