Green mimosas i think yes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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