If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dignity is for republicans.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
