Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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