true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
