Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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