Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
