grandma shit on top of the toilet
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
