My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Alive.
So much puke
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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