I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
