She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
