I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Welp...herpes.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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