so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
