I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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