It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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