I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
