What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
